The topic of starting a family has come up quite often with my husband and I over the past 4 years. We have always been sure that we wanted to have children quite young and always assumed that as soon as the wedding was over we would start trying for children. We both loved the fact that we saw eye to eye on being young parents and both shared that desire… After our wedding we sat down to speak about our original plan to start a family right away. Quickly, we both agreed that it wasn’t the right time. Neither of us felt ready to take that step, so we put the idea of children safely back in its box, ready to be pulled out again at a later stage.

A few months ago we were having a family BBQ. Mic picked up our niece, Gabrielle and instantly teared up. He sat with her for around an hour with tears in his eyes and this big, goofy smile full of love and longing. Later that evening, in the privacy of our own home, Mic put on his serious face, made me a cup of tea and sat with me to chat. Now, for anyone who knows Michael, the ’serious face’ is not a regular occurrence. When it appears you know something big is coming… He started telling me at a million miles an hour that in that instant that Gabrielle looked at him he knew he was ready for children of his own. He went on to say that he “just knew” and “there is no way of explaining the feelings, its just there!” At this point I started to feel frightened. I hate to upset and disappoint my husband as he is just the sweetest thing in the world, especially when he is being serious about something and speaking from the heart, as it really doesnt happen very often. I told him I just wasnt ready, but I would think very hard about it.

Weeks past and Mic kept talking about babies… throwing it into almost every conversation… In the supermarket he would stop at the itty bitty baby clothes and coo over them… This pushed me away from the idea of babies even more as it just felt so full-on and scary!

Skip ahead to February… We had 3 rather unfortunate “accidents”, all of which (I realised later) were when I was ovulating (I am not on any birth control and I like it that way). I started to freak out a little and run through a lot of “what if’s?” in my head. Over the next 2 weeks the situation forced me to deal with the (slight) possibility that I may pregnant. My reaction to this surprised me to no end… I thought, if i were pregnant, maybe it wouldnt be the worst thing in the world? Maybe I wouldnt freak out and run for the hills as I would have surely done a few months prior. Maybe I would even be excited?! But on the other hand, if I werent pregnant, I would be disappointed. When my monthly visitor was 3 days late that month I started to really consider that this may be a possibility… Until the next day.

The thing that I realised was scaring me the most was telling my parents! I understand that a young, unmarried girl in high school may be frightened of telling their parents something like this, but a married women shouldnt be. Both of my parents have, on separate and many occasions told me that I should consider having an IUD put in. This is something I absolutely will not do - children or no children. It’s not even an option for me. I am not 100% sure why both of my parents really dont want me to start a family yet but I assume it’s because they feel I am too young, inexperienced, and don’t have enough money.

I understand all of their concerns, but this has become a huge issue for me. I am now totally paranoid of even talking to either of them about the possibility that I will have children one day. The thought of it gives me butterflies. I spoke to my Mum the other day and told her that it bothers me and that I hope, when the day comes that I do get to tell her I am pregnant that she smiles and hugs me and is totally supportive and happy (even if she has to fake it), rather than tell me it’s not a good idea. I love my parents more than a normal amount I think… I just absolutely adore them, consider both of them some of my closest friends in the world and admire them every day. They are not just my parents, they are my friends… and I think that also may be another reason I would be so scared of telling them. I really care what they think and feel that I need their love and support even if they don’t agree with something that I have chosen for myself.

Anyhow… The decision has been made to not ‘try’ for children… Just stop actively NOT trying to have them. Whatever happens, happens… Statistically speaking, on average, healthy couples take around 12 months of trying to conceive (TTC) before it actually happens… So if that happens with us for example if it does take 12 months), by the time I fall, we would have been married for 19 months… and by the time baby is born it would be almost 2.5 years… And hopefully by that time I will feel comfortable enough to tell my gorgeous and wonderful Mother and Father.

Until next time, very oddly addictive blogger land!

Elroy is the newest addition to our family. He came to live with us in December 08 when my Dad, Step-Mother (more commonly known as “Shma”) and my little sister Amber moved to New York City. Elroy is 13 yrs old so couldnt make the journey with them as he isnt well enough. He’s a funny old man… He annoys the heck out of us, but we love him for it. He cries and barks all the time for food (all he thinks about 24/7) but then gives you this cute look and you just cant be mad with him haha! He’s here to live out the rest of his golden years with us here in the country… He’s loving life chasing butterflies and napping all day… What could be better? Here are a few of my fave pics of Roy… The last pic is of Lilie and Frankie in bed on a Sunday morning in winter…

Today while I am mourning Caine, I thought I should focus on the other amazing animals in my life. As I have done a post for Lilie, I thought Frankie and Elroy should have their own…

Frankie is the funniest dog I have ever met… he’s one of those dopey smart dogs… One who acts dumb but is secretly plotting world domination. He came to live with us when he was 8 weeks old. (He is now 2 - 3 this year). My brother bought him for me as a gift for helping him out with something… Best gift ever! He makes me laugh every day and night… He’s a real Mummies Boy - he always needs to have some part of his body touching mine…

Here’s a few pics of my funny man…

Elroy’s up next…

OK, so Greg came and helped me out with Caine. He put his little body back together for me a cloth lined white box. Mic and I will bury him near the river later on today. I feel all down about it. Earlier I was uber sad and extremely angry. Now I am just nothing. I really love my animals… Its very difficult to put into words how I feel about them. I would literally do anything to keep them safe and if I ever find out who did this the result won’t be good.

I don’t understand people who have such little regard for life. Animals are living creatures. Just because they cant say “No. Don’t. Owch. Stop” and fight back like people can doesnt mean they don’t feel pain and have emotions. As goes my ‘famous’ saying: “Animals are people too.” I am not jaded enough to actually believe my animals are humans, but is the harm in loving them as I would love a peer? I know my animals have feelings - they all have very different personalities and are all little characters. They are individuals and I love them for that. Anyhow, I don’t really want to talk about this any more. Hope everyone in blog land is having a lovely Saturday afternoon…

I woke up this morning to find one of by birds, Caine, decapitated and floating in his water bowl. His head was floating next to him and blood all over the cage door. There is no way an animal could have done this. The cage is always secured with pegs so that other animals can’t get in to them. The peg was replaced after the death in a different spot to where I originally placed it. So to me, this means that after the pubs shut and the masses walk up to Maccas past my house, some sick f*ck has come in and done this to my beloved bird.

I am so sick, mad and upset right now. My other bird is in his cage calling out to him. I had to move the water bowl out of the cage and almost dropped it cos I was crying so hard. I have covered the water dish with my birds head and body with a tea towel but I can’t touch it - I just can’t. I called my husband but he just can’t leave work to come and help me… So cue strong best friend to come and help. I am waiting for him to come and help me out now…

I dont think I can talk abuot this any more right now… Will write about it when Caine is safely resting in peace. RIP Caine…

While I am thinking about it I thought I should add in some of my fave photos of my little girl Lilie… (Fur child… we’ll get onto the subject of actual babies later…) I also Have Frankie and Elroy… I’ll do their posts when I sort through all the mounds of photos and find my fave ones for them… Here are just a few of the many photos I adore of Lills…

Lilie came to live with us a few years ago. She is 3 (will be 4 this year) and has lived with us since she was 11 months old. I love dogs and since I moved out of home I had been wanting to get one of my own. Finally, after 3 years my now husband and I found an apartment to rent which allowed dogs. We were hunting for the perfect addition to our family… Turns out Lilie was the perfect one for us. She had come from a family who mistreated her. She was chained up, beaten and not fed. When she came home with us she was so skinny and terribly afraid of everything. After a few years she is much better, but we still have a long way to go. She has trust issues with new people and can’t be around dogs she doesnt know. (In fact it’s very hard to get her to get to know a dog because she becomes quite violent with them).

Here is my little angel Lilie…

Until next time!!! ……..

Hello Blogger Land,

Let me preface my first ever blog entry by saying that I have no idea what I am doing… I am not even 100% sure why I have a blog…? It just seemed like a good idea at the time I guess. The trouble is, that most people who have blogs use them for some purpose. I (literally) have nothing useful to blog about. I dont have and competitions running, nothing totally exciting is happening in my life at the moment which deserves a running blog of updates… This is just me being me and I guess, talking about what ever floats into my mind.

To me it’s actually kind of funny that I have a blog now… I have spent the past few years with my family teasing me that I am a blogger Queen… “Ohh, Scoob, you late again cos you were up all night blogging?!” To which I always respond: “I don’t have a blog. Never have, never will…” And yet here I am.

The whole concept of personal blogs has always been a little weird to me. Its pretty much like keeping a diary that EVERYONE can read whenever they want. Maybe I have the whole blogging thing mixed up, but I always wondered to myself about it… Girls grow up trying desperately to keep their diary private, and here we are now, broadcasting things all over the internet for complete strangers! I guess I had to jump on the train some time. To be honest, I am not sure how much I can actually get away with saying haha! My family always tend to find things I have written randomly and interrogate me about it. Ahhh well, I guess time will tell to see how much I actually ramble about.

Until next time blogger land! Have a lovely Friday night…